the history of debcentral


A Full Studio

12.30.02 - 2:00pm
I get the day off tomorrow and the next day.
Of course, that means "without pay". But who's counting?

As soon as Brian and I got back in town, a slew of random friends and family converged upon us. Brian's sister Jessie and her friend Dana got here yesterday. They will most likely be crashing with us tonight. Last night, B's friend from high school and recent ex-Peace Corps worker Heather Scott took the train in from Long Island, and slept over on our luxurious guest couch. Friends from Grad school Christy Regenhardt and Marc Singer were here for an MLA conference, and hung out for a round of drinks with us at the infamous KGB Bar.

Tonight, I believe I'm having dinner with Seth Daub, who allegedly hated me in high school. Tomorrow, I'm making plans to spend the afternoon with college chum and ex-roommate Dawn Sullivan presently of Summerville, Mass.

If there are any more people from my past or Brian's who have plans to drop by anytime soon, they will have to visit me in the sanitarium, where I will be recuperating from my impending nervous breakdown.

Jenny Miller points out that the Crazy Cloning Cult people are conducting business in my hometown of Hollywood, Florida. Hooray for Hollywood (fla.) -- on the map AGAIN!

12.27.02 - 10:15am
Here I am again, typing away and tying up the Geller's family's one phone line.

We are still here in temperate Clearwater, Florida. We had a fabulous time last night, dining with Brian, Jenny Miller, her sister Jesse, Jesse's boyfriend Bradley Taylor, and Miller daddy James Miller. We began our evening at the New World Brewery in Ybor City, indulging in hors d'oeuvre of beer and pizza. Then we moved on to an Italian restaurant, whose name I Don't Remember.

I attempted to take pictures with my new digital camera, but they were all bad, and I was embarrassed, as Jesse and James are BOTH wonderful photographers. James later saved the day by snapping a few shots of Jenny and me performing dramatizations of the fall that broke my nose.

Those pictures should find themselves on this site within the next week.

B. Herman and I did then left the Miller Clan for our college chums, Dave and Heather Sobush, John Chittenden, Mike Vangsness, and some other random people at Clearwater's premier drinking establishment, The Varsity Club.

Many pitchers of Bud Light were had, more poor-quality digital photographs were taken, and at some point, I fell asleep.

Now I am here, at the kitchen table, passing on my story to further generations. Read and Learn.

12.25.02 - 12:25am
So we are here chilling in the Tampa Bay Area with Brian's family. We've been here since Sunday night. There is only one phone line in the house, so I have not been able, in my vacationed state, to post too much new superfun information.

But not too much has happened so far (except for that brief stint in the emergency room).

Things here have been pleasantly less dysfunctional--which is always a good thing. My parent drove across the state today to have dinner with the Geller family. And that was pleasant too.

Except for the multiple references on my parents' part to "Debbie's breakdown".

Alas! They are my parents. And am I not my parents' daughter?

12.22.02 - 1:15pm
I can't chat long, but I do want to check in and give a shout out to all my loyal Debcentral readers.

Hey. Ho. Hey. Ho.

Moving on, I must be brief, as the Brian and I are aiming to catch a 4:30 flight to Flor-i-day-ay! And, speaking of the B Man, he has FINALLY gotten around to updating his blog. So check it out.

In other news, I saw a funny play starring Francisco "Holloween Party" Gutierrez with Ann Amarga on violin, and had a big group dinner with my yoga friends--which included our yoga instructor. Sadly, we were not able to get him drunk and make him sing Karaoke.

You win some, you lose some.

12.18.02 - 11:50am
I discovered such a wonderful store yesterday.
A Tsatskeh shop in the east village called "Mod World". But maybe they should have called it "Deb World", because I wanted to own everything in the store.

Except for the sado-masocistic Barbie Dolls. Mod World can keep them.

They even had Wonder Woman salt and pepper shakers! I love Wonder Woman! And I love salt! They were made for me!

We are leaving for the Tampa Bay area on Sunday, but not before we get to visit Uncle Ira again. This week, he wants shrimp fried rice from the Dumpling King and some melon. No brownies, thank god!

Sassy DC insider Jenny Miller will be in Tampa around the same time as Brian and me. I am so excited. Maybe we can all arrange to go to the Taco Bell together!

12.15.02 - 2:37pm
It's about time!
I've finally posted my newest edition of Deb's World News. So check it out.

I know my education page has not fulfilled your every Deb need, so now you can see more pictures of ME, and learn more about what I've been doing.

Lucky you.

I went to the holiday party of the gallery that fired me. It was really weird and it made me mightily uncomfortable. I ended up imbibing too much wine, which is often a bad move.

The next morning, I found I had stashed away a number of things from the party--not the least of which was an enormous bottle of sparkling water. What was I thinking?

Brian and I found more freaky stuff of Uncle Ira's. I am not hearty enough to post much of it on this site. But I will try to scan in his latest birthday card to me, along with a scary old picture of him and my dad.

I have posted what appears to be a decade-old passport photo on the news page. I'll try to get a larger version up on his page as well.

12.12.02 - 11:05am
I've fallen off the blog wagon
I have been awol, I know. It used to be so easy, until my boss forbid me to update my website from work. But he is gone for a while. So here I am. . . holding on.

I've been updating my news page. The proverbial news bun is in the oven. In order to complete my latest lead article, I needed to take a picture of my yoga instructor. Sadly, my yoga instructor was not as excited about this as I was.

But I was on a mission. Mission accomplished.

After yoga, I've been going out for coffee with Alison Adleman, Ani (I don't know her last name), and yoga instructor Christopher. It is very nice. Then I have to come to work. Boohoo.

I've recently located some more odds and ends of Uncle Ira's around the apartment. Certainly more on the odd side. I think I've located some kind of passport photo, which I will be posting on my latest edition of Deb's World View. This is important, in that many Debcentral readers have asked what Uncle Ira looks like, but the prison will not allow me photograph the inmates. Keep in mind, though, that since Uncle Ira has been in prison for almost 7 years, this picture may be well over a decade old.

The new news page should be up and running by sometime Saturday.

12.08.02 - 11:49pm
I must be brief or I will fall asleep and drool on my keyboard, shorting it out.

But my weekend was eventful and family-filled. And involved me repeatedly strangling the nonexistent neck of my computer.

Friday was a fanciful soiree at the fashionable digs of Susan Johnson. The night was filled with pizza, cheap champagne, and roller-skates. Everyone who was anyone in my limited circle of friends was there: Brian, Alison Adleman, Karen Scarth, Rich Ramirez, Ann Amarga, this guy named Scott, and some other nice people. And ME!

Saturday was the Moroch Family Chanukah Party Crazy Mixed-Up Bash. Look! I took pictures. Sunday was an Uncle Ira day. I don't really feel like talking about it now. He did eat brownies again, but he didn't fudgy-drool as much.

Always a silver lining.

12.05.02 - 10:13pm
My friend Brian Mack yelled at me over email today. It was very emotionally, and I giggled and cried. He wrote:

I have a suggestion for you regarding your computer difficulties...QUIT BEING BILL GATES' BITCH AND GET A FUCKING MACINTOSH!!! (note the capitalization and multiple exclamation points)

He assured me he loved me, but threw a proverbial shoe at my head with this comment about Twin Peaks' director David Lynch. He asks:
If you can't answer it maybe your loyal readers can. "When did misogyny become Art?" Did I miss a memo?

Now I feel bad. He's right. Mr. Lynch can be horrendous at times. I never stand for that kind of misogyny in any form of media. Yet, isn't that Kyle MacLachlan a cutie?

My grandmother gave me random fruit today. She also endowed me with a polyester zipper vest, a faux fur Rooski-style hat, and a pair of the most heinous pointy-toed boots I've ever seen.

It snowed a whole bunch today. It was nice. But only while I was inside.

12.04.02 - 9:22pm
I hate my computer,
It is very infirmed, and it will not allow me to upload any of my super fun pictures from my new digital camera.

The world is being denied my great art.

While I was back in Florida, my sister and I spent many an afternoon watching taped reruns of Twin Peaks, season two. I had stopped watching it so many moons ago because it had gotten too weird. But now I am addicted again, kind of.

Does the mushy love between Agent Cooper and Heather Graham become less mushy? Can Leo wake up from his partial brain-death in time to stop Windom Earle? When is Shelly finally going to leave Bobby? Who is going to give Evil Bob a haircut? When will Audrey become America's new Marilyn Monroe?

My real life is rather less exciting. I started practicing yoga in the mornings. I had soup for dinner. I feel unappreciated at work. No one in my family felt my raised freckle was a cancer.

Of course, I will be visiting Uncle Ira three times in the next six weeks. That's pretty freaky.

12.02.02 - 9:22pm
I asked for help, and you held out your hand. . . .

Thank you, fair Debcentral readers who responded to my query. I received not one, but TWO emails today with suggestions on where I could submit my new fiction piece. And none of the answers were lurid or offensive.

Jill McElmurry wrote:

Submit your fiction piece to Working Woman magazine.

And Nick Kocz, who has actually written Debcentral before, but I neglected to make him famous, wrote:
Are you familiar with Witness? It might be a good venue for the piece-- they publish a fair number of short-shorts. Good luck.

Ah! My heart is aflutter with love and impending fame!

Submit I will! And you, faithful readers, will be the first to know what happens (after me, of course).

Keep those suggestions coming. And if you have even the slightest pull with any literary/commercial venue, feel free to pass my site along.

You were never alone. When you saw only one set of foot prints in the sand . . . that was you carrying me . . . to stardom.

12.01.02 - 8:30pm
I am leaving the land of highs in the mid-70s for a land with highs in the mid-30s. Boo-hoo.

My mother revealed to me today that she refuses to look at my website because she thinks it is a waste of time. And because it will never help me find a job.

This up-and-coming climate change comes with a "familial distancing factor", which helps to make it more palatable.

Hmmm. We haven't discussed my (not so) new (anymore) fiction piece in the last several minutes. So let us catch up.

To what literary venue should I submit it next, as I procrastinate in finishing a newer fiction piece?

how many people can be fitted comfortably into a 550 square-foot studio apartment on Manhattan's upper-east side?

Is it a crime to house more than four unrelated people in an apartment meant to fit only one adult person?

is need for privacy an "American thing"?

what is the best way to prevent embarrassing and debilitating panic attacks.

answer these questions and more by contacting debcentral today.

when I first came back to Tampa Bay with Brian, many of his friends told me Ybor City was just like South Beach.

for the record, it is not.

But it does have a couple of pleasant establishments with good jukeboxes.

don't you think EVERYONE should have a website?

it would make stalking people on-line much easier.

then again, if you you do have a website, wouldn't it be great to bar certain people from finding your website?

it would make avoiding people much easier.

Brian has retitled his blog yet again.

no one wrote in to complain about the recent past incarnation, "silent but deadly", which I found to be morally childish and offensively toiletish.

you should check out the new "Loshen Hora", then drop me a line to tell me (or Brian) what you think.

what do you think of the new title of Brian Geller's blog?

do you think it is dumb and childish?

would you like to urge him to find a better, more creative name?

write Debcentral and cast your vote.

do you know of any cool fun stores in the greater New York City area?

tell Deb about them.

Email debcentral and give us the names, addresses, and prices ranges of the cool fun places with all that cool fun stuff.

go to Deb's recently-posted latest edition of Deb's World View.

SEE! an old picture of Uncle Ira.

HEAR! about Deb's new hobby.

FEEL! bad for Deb's yoga teacher as he gets caught on camera.

go on.

check it out.

I promise it'll be fun.

are you angry that Deb has not been updating her website?

do you judge the worth of your days by how much new information you've acquired about Deb?

have you been craving the skinny on Deb's personal life, Uncle Ira, and the whole yoga gang?

did you want to see images of random people performing the yoga pose in which Deb broke her nose?

well, wait no longer! all your questions will soon be answered. your deep thirst for knowledge will be quenched.

Deb will be posting a new edition of Deb's World View on saturday.

in the meantime, visit Heck's Kitchen.

look at my very recently posted family
chanukah party page.

then tell me how nice it looks.

then make a nice comment about my amazing photographic skills.

then write that all down, along with some other comments mentioning how wickedly funny I am and how much you adore my site, then email it to me.

you won't regret it!

do you have relatives who load you up with random dingy gifts from the bowels of their closets?

if you did, would this disturb you?

if you received these gifts in the form of absurdly unfashionable clothes, would you wear them to show solidarity?

would you throw them down the rubbish shoot of your apartment building?

would you hide them in the back of your closet, only to wait until the day when you could pass them on to other, younger relatives?

are you a fan of "Twin Peaks"?

do you have the answers to my many pressing "Twin Peaks" related questions.

tell me what is due to happen in the last few episodes.

unless you think it would make me unhappy.

then, write a fake storyline in which the bad guy asks for forgiveness and then dies of natural causes, and all the pretty people kiss warm puppies.

you are a creative person.

you figure it out.

although I am always game to talk about me, let's talk about you for a change.

have you been published?

what was it that you got published?

what is your secret?

will you sprinkle your magic fairy powder on me?

write me and help coach me to notoriety.

let's talk about me.

let's all work harder to make me famous.

whatever we're doing just isn't working fast enough.

so take another look at my short fiction piece, and then send me an email telling me where to submit it.

hop to it!

Who is Deborah Schwartz?
The experiences of Deborah Schwartz
The persistance of Deborah Schwartz
The relations of Deborah Schwartz