the history of debcentral


An Experiment in Warmer Climes

11.28.02 - 12:50pm
I'm writing you from Hooray-for-Hollywood, FL.
Brian and I are enjoying the slow yet bizarre pace of beautiful South Florida this Thanksgiving. We're staying with my sister, Ali. Even though we grew up around these here parts, we neglected to pack any shorts with us, as we were coming from highs in the upper 30s.

Wintertime here means highs in the mid-to-low 70s. How quickly we forget.

My parents invited many people over to share with us in this season of giving thanks. But it looks like it will just be us (Mom, Dad, Ali, Brian, and myself, and Ali's dog, Daphney).

My mother bought me a digital camera. It was a gift that encompassed all gifts for any life-cycle events occuring in the next 26 years. Thank you, Elaine.

So stay tuned for some fun pictures. Just as soon as I figure out how to hook it up to a computer.

11.25.02 - 1:18am
Brian and I were successful hosts! The ghost of Uncle Ira did not haunt Clare and Stephen.

I gave them the "extended tour" of our studio apartment (which included the kitchen, "dining room", "office", "sitting room", "living room", "solarium", "library", "master bedroom", and bathroom). Then we met up with local residents Susan Johnson and Alison Adleman for a trip to the Strand and dinner at the White Horse Tavern, where we practiced our best "Dylan-Thomas-being-pricked-with-a-pin-in-the-bum" faces. A fabulous time was had by all.

There was one sighting of an individual from graduate school for whom many of us have a great distaste. We smiled, said hi, congratulated on his up-and-coming book. Soon as his back was turned, we made fun of him and called him nasty names.

The ghost of Dylan Thomas approved.

We socialites continued on to the KGB Bar, where the bouncer actually helped us to find an empty table.

Then, just like any sassy native New Yorker, I opened the back of my camera and exposed all my film.

I'd like to thank Clare Banks, Stephen Richert, Susan Johnson, Alison Adelman, Brian Geller, KGB Bouncer, the Ghost of Dylan Thomas, my greasy grilled cheese sandwich, the Absence of the Ghost of Uncle Ira, and myself, for helping to make Saturday night a wonderful and memorable evening.

11.23.02 - 9:08am
We are having our first house guests tonight. Clare and Stephen are staying with us, and will have the opportunity to rate the sleeper sofa. Their choices will be:

a.) Creepy and uncomfortable
b.) Creepy but not too uncomfortable
c.) Not too creepy, but very uncomfortable
d.) "We didn't even realize the couch belonged to Uncle Ira."

I am very conflicted about Yahoo Greetings. They seem to not always get to their recipient. Especially when you fill in fake sender email addresses, like
These e-cards never getting to their recipients . . . . it's almost too much to bear.

11.20.02 - 3:00pm
I am writing from work, so I will have to make this brief.

First: A shout out to Dave Sobush, who was born on this very day 27 years ago. Happy Birthday, Dave!

Second: Thanksgiving is nearly upon us. I am going back to Fort Lauderdale on Wednesday, at which time it will be revealed that I have still not completed construction of my sister's birthday gift. My sister turned 23 on August 1st. I am so ashamed.

Third: Friends Clare Banks and Stephen Richert are coming to New York this weekend, and will be staying with us (for a night). We have tried to swap out visiting Uncle Ira days with my grandmother, and this has caused a humongous commotion.

Fourth: Another shout-out. This one to Amy Fishman, who just found out this morning that she was accepted to the University of Miami Medical School. Mazel Tov, Amy!

Fifth: There is no fifth. I must get back to work before I get in trouble.

11.17.02 - 11:50pm
The Debcentral PR machine Brian Geller has suggested that I not gloat, and that I not refer to the our old management company as the axis of evil.

That said: the forces of good conquered the axis of evil on Deb's birthday, which also happened to be the day Deb and Brian took their old management company to small claims court.

I spent the weekend in Boston, celebrating my birthday with Florida chums Amy Fishman and Dawn Sullivan. I received a nice amount of gifts aimed at making fun of my great ability to break my nose.

Brian bought me new shoes for my birthday with platforms that raise me up nearly a foot.

On a sad note, it has been discovered that Deb's favorite yoga instructor, Chris Hildebrandt, will be leaving the shala at the end of the month. He will be teaching yoga at a less convenient, higher-priced, and more fru-fru location. Deb is despondent. What shall she do?

Her new platform shoes help her to stand tall in the face of adversity.

11.14.02 - 2:00pm
It's my BIRTHDAY today!
And how do I get to celebrate my 26th year of life? I get to spend it in Small Claims Court fighting with my old evil landlord over the $1100 he stole from us.

Last night was pleasant, though. My yoga instructor, Chris Hildebrandt, invited me to a non-yoga related fiction reading at a yoga-related location.

It was then, that I discovered that the writer Maggie Estep practices at my yoga shala!

When I was in high school, I thought Maggie Estep was awesome. My goal was to move to New York, become a writer, and shout my way through a literary reading. Just like her. It was very strange last night to see her, and to discover we attended the same yoga studio.

I think I'm getting sappy. She's still so awesome.

11.11.02 - 10:51pm
What's new in the Debcentral universe?
We paid Uncle Ira yet another visit.

A doctor has confirmed that my nose is fractured.

An insurance company has confirmed it is providing me with health insurance.

My efforts to become famous have been continually flummoxed.

Jenny Miller writes a letter to the Saturn VUE.

Brian's teen-angst riddled brother has gotten BOTH his ears pierced. Because . . . well, he doesn't have to tell us why. But we should be aware that it was an act of rebellion on his part.

I think it's because he misses the 80s -- that fine, fine decade. Especially the late 80s, because he was actually alive then.

Our greatest generation.

11.10.02 - 8:26pm
The black hole of Doom ate my last two blog entries.
They just disappeared. Luckily, I had just copied the code into an email, just in case such a thing should happened.

Coincidence? Or not?

Frank, the very cool host of the Halloween party, gave an email shout-out to some of the more happening guests. I got such an email.

Here is where I must make a correction. Frank (who's name is really Francisco Guitierrez--what a good name!) wrote:

that whole david schwimmer with a mowhawk was a joke, not a costume.. i said that because some people say i look like him, and i cut my hair into a mowhak(ish). i dont really think i look like him, but hey, some people say it as soon as the first meet me. i didn't really have a costume...

By the way, not to sound sychophantic, but Frank is a million times better looking and more fun than David Schwimmer. Not that David Schwimmer ever invited me to a party. But if he had . . .

BIG NEWS: Deb's mom made the papers!

Check out what Broward county democratic insider Elaine Schwartz has to say about this last election.

11.06.02 - 1:58pm
I think I broke my nose.
I was in yoga, attempting to do this pose in which I look like a frog tangled in its own legs, when I fell over on my face. Luckily, my nose broke my fall.

I am in a lot of pain today.

Yesterday was also a Super Funny Email day for Debcentral. Deb Schwartz was mistaken for another Deb Schwartz and invited to be a potential guest on Phil Donahue's show. The email went something like this:

Hi Deb,
My name is Chris CENSORED and I work on the Phil Donahue show. I read your feature about polyamory in New York Magazine, and I think it's interesting and quirky and wanted to talk to you about it, and also see if you have contact information for any of the people featured in the article. I don't actually know whether or not this is a topic we would do on the show, but I think there's a chance and I want to push the envelope. Please give me a call (or email me) when you've got a minute and we can talk about it.
I am also fond of writing personal emails while at work.

Isn't that the greatest! And so ironic too, as this Deb Schwartz's boss does not allow her to write personal emails at work.

11.04.02 - 1:01pm
This wintery weather is making me tired.
Every morning, I fall asleep on the train ride to work. Is this odd?

Brian and I were on our way to the grocery store at 11 o'clock at night when we ran into our friend Susan Johnson. What a small world!

I have already sent in my Florida Absentee Ballot, so the Broward County Board of Elections can put it in a box and bury it by the ocean. I can't wait!

11.02.02 - 5:09pm
My costume was not as sinister a hit as I had hoped it would be. But it was okay. Since it was so cold out last night, the wig felt nice and toasty on my head.

Susan and I were the only people dressed up at hte party. Oh, and the host, Frank, who claimed he was dressed up as "David Schwimmer with a mohawk." We met this really funny guy, Paul Sprague, who has access to the wireless web on his cell phone. He logged on to my website, and for that, I have promised to mention him on this page and to try to make him famous.

Paul, here's to you! Fame, fame, fame.

In other news: Today it snowed. Just a sort of drizzly wet crippled snow. But snow, it was. I am very cold.

Also, I have some inside information that Florida's latest gubernatorial election promises to be completely botched. Hooray for Florida!

11.01.02 - 11:25am
I'd like to formally thank Susan Johnson for getting me invited to a Halloween party. The party is tonight, held in the Cobble Hill section of Brooklyn, and the host is a friend of a friend of a friend (I have no idea who the host is).

So here's a shout out to Susan, and to all people everywhere who are trying to find occasion to wear their three-year-old costumes. Hey, hey.

Also, I will be logging in much fewer blog updates during working hours, as my employer is absolutely opposed to my being on the internet while I am also on the clock.

With no formal evidence, he has concluded that in any other business anywhere in the country, should an employee be caught surfing the net, reading a newspaper online, or answering personal email messages, that worker would be "out on their ass."

Hm. Just zipping into the twenty-first century here at R.L. Lucas, Inc.

speaking of digital cameras, I never did get a copy of that picture my friend Marc took of himself and David with Liza Minelli eating brunch.

I'm told there was a delay, because he had to upload it from his camera to his computer, then email it to me.

hmm. it sounds as plausible as when they thought they saw Margaret Cho at the Japanese Restaurant in Times Square.

the lord Ganesh has sent me a yahoo greeting card granting me love and peace this Diwali.

thank you, lord Ganesh.
right back at you!

the lord God has also written my site as well. I was informed by email that the lord God feels abandoned.

sorry. I will try to be more attentive in the future.

if you haven't already, you may want to take a stroll down depression lane and read my piece about unemployment.

after that, visit the site Stephen and Clare are responsible for, Smartish Pace.

I haven't received much email lately.

so send me an email explaining in detail why you haven't written me.

the recommend this site to a friend.

let's let the whole world know about the wonders of debcentral.

everyone: send Dave Sobush some phony electronic birthday cards to help him celebrate his 27th year of life.
he just loves those e-cards.

while you're at it, send Amy Fishman a card as well, to congratulate her on her admission to medical school.

then, send me one, to cheer me up for having to deal with Uncle Ira.

after you've done all that, visit Jenny Miller's site. that picture of the mouse made me laugh out loud. so much, that I nearly forgot how I am beholden to my criminally insane uncle for the roof over my head. ah.

the distinguished Lady Jenny Miller came to town, and Deb missed her.

Deb was too busy cavorting in the rain in boston, trying to catch pneumonia. this prevented her from chilling with JM, Marci, Chaz and Mart, and the beautiful people of the reciplex.

how foolish is deb?

Deb and Brian won their case in small claims court, but they have not yet received the fat check for their returned security deposit.

so don't ask them to take you out to dinner just yet.

Deb is still working on being famous. she is not yet famous, but has met some people who might be consideredfamous.

her star is on the rise.

watch out!

Deb still wants to be famous, and you haven't been helpful enough.

get off your bottom and start shopping her short essay around.

while you're at it, visit Maggie Estep's site. she goes to the same ashtanga yoga shala as deb.

and after that, visit Heck's Kitchen, where Jenny Miller is sure to be cooking up something good n' blasphemous.

Jenny Miller does it again!

she makes me laugh out loud and get in trouble at work.

Deb does it again. She falls flop on her nose twice in less than 10 year.

she is offered the alternative of rhinoplasty for the second time. she is too proud and too poor to accept.

Uncle Ira does it again.

and again.

he is still a raving lunatic, and is very angry he did not receive his latest installment of Drake's Cakes.

Brian's brother has done it again.

he has been surly, curt, and confrontational without every having to get off the instant messenger.

does your webhost eat your html code?

do you think David Schwimmer would be a really lame party host?

would you like to invite me to dinner and movie as a concession for breaking my nose at yoga?

did you know that november 14th was my birthday?

have you gotten me a present yet?

will you shed a tear for me, because I will be spending my birthday trying to reclaim my security deposit in small claims court?

send me a e-card and tell me all about it.

Brian Mack waited on line in Minneapolis for nearly two hours to cast a vote for Fritz Mondale.

make him feel better by visiting his site.

have you ever broken your nose?

did you do it in yoga practice?

how did you keep it from swelling

debcentral begs you to write them and tell them what they should do to avoid looking like a boxer.

please invite Deb on to your television talk show.

she has very good comic timing, and she owns 5 wigs.

invite her today.

you'll be glad you did.

do you have plans for the new year?

consider inviting deb along.

she is very funny, she will dress up in silly wigs for you, and she promises to bring her own booze.

email her and tell her how much you want to hang out with her for the new year.

debcentral did not get to know Paul Sprague long enough to determine if he has any special talents.
but if there's anyone out there who needs someone with access to the wireless web on his cell phone, mr. Sprague is your man.

especially on nights and weekends, during which he has free minutes

also, he has the same model phone as deb, which further proves his impeccable taste.

if you can help make Paul famous, write us here at and help make the world a more famous place to live.

have you never written personal email messages at work?

do you refuse to browse webpages for non-work-related purposes while you are "on the clock"?

do you believe the world wide web can be a sinful and distructive tool if used for anything but task-related concerns?

if you answered YES to any of these questions, then contact my boss.
you've found a friend.

Who is Deborah Schwartz?
The experiences of Deborah Schwartz
The persistance of Deborah Schwartz
The relations of Deborah Schwartz