Deb: For two years?
Deb: It happens.

Deb: I hear you’ve been preoccupied with some very interesting things over these past two years.
Deb: It’s true. Two years may seem like a short span in geologic time, but it’s just enough to have me working at a third place of employment, Brian to graduate law school, and a literary journal publish to publish me. Did I mention I bought a new wig?

Deb: Excuse me. Did you say publish?
Deb: Yes. That’s a biggy.

Deb: Tell us more
Deb: It’s kind of a long story, but, my husband Brian secretly submitted a story of mine to a fiction contest. And I won. What an amazing shock. The prize includes publication.

Deb: That’s fabulous. How does this affect your slow crawl to fame?
Deb: Nobody’s asked me for my autograph yet, but I’m hoping that winning this contest gives my star a major shot in the ass.

Deb: Is your battle with obscurity finally coming to an end?
Deb: Not yet. But I practice for that day by wearing dark glasses in low-light situations and waving my arms as if fending off mad throngs of adoring fans.

Deb: How do you know fame has finally arrived?
Deb: My goal is to have a psychotic fan send me a his finger in a jar. That hasn’t happened yet. The closest I’ve gotten is an email from a random person me telling me to "get off your pity pot." I’ve got a ways to go.

Deb: In spite of your experiences with your family’s mental problems, you want to attract psychotic fans?
Deb: Actually, the experience with my family has informed me that psychotic fans are the most dedicated fans a famous person could have.

Deb: That leads me to my next question: How is your uncle?
Deb: We still think he’s crazy has ever. But the Manhattan Psychiatric Center seems to think he’s just three steps from sanity. A year ago, he was transferred from a criminal to a civil psychiatric facility. He’ll probably get released in the next year or two.

Deb: Does this means you’ll have to move?
Deb: We live in a studio apartment bought for him by my grandmother. We are able to live here cheaply on the condition that we keep all our furniture in storage and visit my uncle in the crazy house on a regular basis. These visits are wearing. I’m almost ready to leave right now.

Deb: Where to?
Deb: Brian and I have been seriously considering Brooklyn, though we fear it’ll be too expensive for us. I’d rather not move back to Queens if we can help it. But wherever we move, we are not giving Uncle Ira our new address. The man starts fires.

Deb: Would you mind telling your fans about your recent brush with the law?
Deb: That’s a nice way of putting it. I got stuck on jury duty for 11 weeks. It was the most fascinating a really boring experience could be.

Deb: What was the trial about?
Deb: New York state criminal court. A burglary ring involving 23 three burglaries over two years, eighteen indictments and 6 defendants. Mostly clothing was taken, and each piece of recovered merchandise had to be identified one by one. It took a really, really long time.

Deb: Have you seen the movie Twelve Angry Men?
Deb: God no! I’m told it’s about one juror who insists on reexamining evidence to prove a defendant innocent. During deliberation, I got very angry at people like that. At one point, I pounded on the table and screamed like a crazy lady that my fellow juror was an idiot. But he was. You can’t find a defendant innocent just because you have a bad feeling about it. Especially when the law and the evidence prove him otherwise. We had been cooped up for 11 weeks. I think we were all a little stir crazy.

Deb: So you were one angry woman?
Deb: That’s me. Don’t mess with me. I'll scream in your face.

Deb: It may be a good thing that you haven’t achieved fame just yet.
Deb: Liza Minnelli beat up her husband in a drunken rage. I think I’m doing just fine.

Deb: You have a very odd view of what is acceptable in society.
Deb: You never even asked me about my new wig. I’m hurt.

Deb: What about your new wig.
Deb: I think it makes me look earthy.

Deb: I want to thank you for allowing debcentral to interview you again.
Deb: Tell me I’m your favorite guest.

Deb: You’re our favorite guest.
Deb: Thank you.